Thursday, April 13, 2006

I Am NOT Food By-Product

I had quite an experience lately that's had a profound impact on my meditation. I wanted to share it, in case it proved of some help to others.

My wife and I have been seeing a Reiki energy healer who works with our therapist. She's quite good, and has helped both of us shift a lot of energy around. In my case, I've felt a lot of freeing of the first, second, and fourth chakras from the work we've done together.

My last session, however, was...unique. In fact, it was a turning point in my practice. I laid on the table, as usual, and cleared my head as we began working with the subtle energies of my body. Now, I'm a normally nervous person, physically speaking. I scratch, shift, and fidget more than your average bear. During meditation, I'm apt to start moving my feet around the 15 to 20 minute mark, afraid that they're permanently fall asleep.

About 15 or 20 minutes into this session, however, after feeling energy circulate out from my second and fourth chakras, I felt a distinct urge to dissociate from my body. What caused this? Perhaps it's the reading I've been doing of A Simple Feeling of Being, the first part of which is a collection of various "pointing-out instructions" from Ken Wilber: "I am not my body; I have a body, but I am not my body. I can see and feel my body, and whatever I can see or feel is not the true Seer." - and so on for desires, emotions, and thoughts. I've been reciting this to myself throughout the day for a while now.

For some reason, however, the recitation about the body was the most striking for me. Perhaps it's because I'm starting at Ground Zero as far as meditation and spiritual progress goes. The past four to five months represents the longest stretch of time I've ever meditated, day in and day out. Whatever the reason, I let myself go into this recitation: I am not my body...I am not my body...I am not my body...

Some time later, I had a realization. It was partly visual, but mostly gut-level. I felt how my body had been composed since birth. I saw clearly the physical connection between everything I had eaten since infancy and the composition of my corporeal form - my skin, hair (well, what's left of it), bones, nails, teeth, cartilage, blood, sinew, muscle fiber, nerves, arteries, capillaries, neurons, synapses. I saw myself being built up from the nutrients of everything I or my mother had ever digested. I realized that some of these same atoms and molecules that were composing me through our food were some of the same atoms breathed by Julius Caesar, the same atoms that composed a species a million years extinct, the same atoms that were remnants of the dust of the birth of our aeon.

And it dawned on me.

The body CAN'T be me. The body is just meat. No, it's not just "meat" - it's
food by-product!

And from there, I was off into deep meditation. Thoughts arose and abided and subsided, but nothing carried me away from my self.

By the time the session had finished, I had lain, totally immobile, for an hour. Since then, I've been able to extend my meditation sessions up to 35, 45, even 50 minutes, where previously I would have to struggle to hold on for 25. What's more, my meditations are much deeper now. I don't fidget; I don't move at all. When an itch appears, I am aware of it, but can let it arise, abide, and subside, just as I do with my thoughts. Thus I can concentrate solely on the task of letting my thoughts arise and abide as mere objects of awareness.

While I'm jazzed by this progress, I'm also staid about it. This is only one of the first dozen or so mile-markers in my 100-mile journey to a pathless destination. It's progress, but progress that signals the beginning of a new phase of my labor to gain that which I've never lost.

Way to go!!

I love this: I am not my body...I am not my body...I am not my body...

I am going to remeber this on. Thanks!! ;)
one I mean..hehe.
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